Welcome to can’t relate, a newsletter from me, Maria Del Russo, that I write biweekly on Fridays. If you were sent this newsletter by a friend (such an excellent friend) or clicked through this link via my social channels, then you can also subscribe by clicking below.
xx MDR
This weekend, I bought myself one of those $15 boxes of Ferrero Rocher chocolates at the 24-hour Walgreens that’s two blocks from my apartment. Why? Because it was 10 PM on a snowy Saturday and I wanted something sweet. So I pulled on my boots, bundled up, and went out into the night for chocolate.
Earlier that day, I woke up dying for a warm scone with a smear of jelly on it to drink with my morning half-gallon of Grady’s Cold Brew. After scrolling through Seamless for five minutes, I remembered that I took home ec in high school (do they still teach that to the Euphoria generation?) and that scones are actually incredibly easy to make. So I peeled myself off the couch and made myself some god damn scones.
The reason for the extra mile? I recently came to the realization that while I often go out of my way for the people I love, I rarely go out of my way for myself, the person I am supposed to love most. And I think it’s time to stop waiting for someone else to do the little things for me.
It’s the time of year where, everywhere you look, you’re reminded of the loving, romantic acts that people do for one another. We’re taught to pour that love outward, which, by the way, I don’t take issue with. The world could use a little outward kindness these days. But I wish there were more of an emphasis on the things we can do for ourselves. And not just the little things you can do for yourself, like buying your favorite bath bomb, but the larger, more frivolous things you can do for yourself, like booking a massage on a random Tuesday night. You know, the things we typically don’t do unless someone treats us to it.
A few years ago, I wrote an essay for Man Repeller (RIP) where I questioned my inability to show myself love in the way that I show other people love, specifically with cooking. There’s little I enjoy more than entertaining around food. Having people over, whether it’s for a three-course dinner party or just a spread of snacks with a cocktail, makes me *so happy*. It’s how I show love. But in the past, I’ve had a hard time mustering that level of enthusiasm for cooking for myself.
Whether it’s age, realizing how much money I’ve spent on takeout, or the literal two years we’ve been forced indoors to cook for ourselves, I now look forward to making myself dinner every night. The thing is, though, cooking for myself is pretty basic. It’s something I *must* do in order to survive. But I can’t remember the last time I whipped up something extravagant for myself or, better yet, took myself out for a beautiful meal at a restaurant I’ve wanted to try. I’ve been wondering lately why that is.
I’m a big believer in the idea that the energy you put out into the world is the energy you receive back. I’ve made it a mini goal for myself in 2022 that, every time I feel jealous of someone in my life, I’m going to turn around and do something kind for them. It’s an act that’s meant to reframe my feelings from something negative to something positive. But what about the energy I give to myself?
Here’s my thinking: If I don’t treat myself like I’m special, why should I expect someone else to do it for me? Waiting for some future “other” to send you flowers, or to make a complicated breakfast for you, or to surprise you with a staycation at a hotel with a ~fabulous~ soaking tub is putting all of the magic in your life into someone else’s hands. And not only is that a lot of pressure and expectation for some nonexistent person, it’s also telling yourself that you don’t deserve those things if there isn’t someone around to gift them to you. And I say fuck that.
So I will be buying myself the good candles and burning them as soon as I get home, because I deserve to enjoy the scent without company around. I’ll be booking myself staycations at hotels with soaking tubs because it makes me feel so incredibly happy to do so. I will continue to buy myself drugstore chocolates simply because they’re there, and I want them. I’m going to start treating myself preciously, because I don’t need anyone to make my life’s magic for me.
In short, I’m showing the universe the way I want to be treated in my life by doing it for myself. And if the universe works the way I believe, it will bring that love right back around to me someday. In the meantime, though, I’ll enjoy the Ferrero Rocher I buy myself.
This week’s trio
Friends, I have joined the Gen-Z population on TikTok. Still figuring out what I’m doing on there, but it’s fun, and I have permission to be extra, so it’s a win-win.
My friend (and former editor) Anna wrote an amazing piece for Elle about the cold war between hormonal birth control users and those who don’t use hormonal birth control. It’s an incredible read that breaks down why we shouldn’t be afraid of synthetic hormones, and how everyone should be allowed to make their own decisions about birth control without any judgement.
Want to make your own scones? This is the recipe I used. I opted for buttermilk, because I had some leftover from another recipe, but you can use regular milk too.
xx MDR