The interesting part about writing about yourself on the Internet for any length of time means that, unwittingly, you have a public-facing diary that you can go back and read any time you want. My inner thoughts from about the age of 25 all the way up to present-day have been, in some way, documented online. If I could go back in time and tell myself not to do it, part of me thinks I would. But then again, here I am, still typing up my thoughts for a small audience online, so maybe I wouldn’t advise myself otherwise.
The cool thing, though, is to see the ways in which I’ve changed…and the ways in which I haven’t. Case in point: I recently came across an essay with the following passage:
"But even at a young age, all evidence suggested that I was not the chill girl I imagined. I like making plans, and confirming plans, and sticking to plans. I hate surprises. I’m not the type of woman who can be flippant about where her next meal is coming from — I am literally always hungry, and I’m not here to play around with how I’m going to be fed.”
I read this and laughed, because it is a perfect example of both how little and how much someone can change. I still don’t consider myself a “chill” girl. But, as of late, I’ve realized that my life has gotten significantly better when I stopped trying to force things and just let them happen.
I can run down a list for you that spans from the largest life choices all the way down to the smallest decision, but this has been a motif in my life. I stopped sweating being successful just from my writing, and found a career in branded content that I both love and that I’m good at. I stopped trying to be what I considered a “good” daughter, and my relationship with my parents has never been better. And after my last relationship, I stopped trying to look for one, and six months later, I’m in the happiest partnership of my life.
But I didn’t realize that the connection between all these good things was that, in a way, I’d given up. I’d stopped worrying about how things were going to happen, stopped calculating my best move, stopped wringing my hands over what if. I just accepted that I didn’t have control over the situation (or, more likely, just exhausted myself with worry) and just let things happen. Like that story about ladybugs in Under the Tuscan Sun, I laid down in the grass, and when I woke up, the good things were crawling all over me.
The trick, it seems, it to stop forcing it. And I think that goes for everything: love, your career, your relationships. Even dinner. Which is why I love this week’s recipe so much: Chicken with Vinegar Peppers. It’s potentially the easiest meal I’ve ever written up for you on this newsletter, and it comes from my father’s mother—my Grandma Angela. The dish is tangy and sweet, just like her, and when I baked it, my entire kitchen smelled like her kitchen.
It’s the perfect meal for when you get home, don’t know what to cook, and need to get dinner on the table in an hour or less. I like to serve it with a big green salad, some rice, or maybe some bread for dunking. It’s proof that giving up doesn’t mean failing. In this case, and in many others, it’s the first step in something delicious.
Chicken with Vinegar Peppers
INGREDIENTS
1 lb chicken parts of your choice (I like boneless chicken thighs)
1 large jar vinegar peppers, like B&G sweet peppers
2-3 cans of mushrooms, drained
1 T garlic powder
1 T parsley
1 T oregano
Salt + pepper, to taste
INSTRUCTIONS
Place the chicken in a roasting pan and add all the seasonings. Make sure all of the pieces are well-seasoned on each side.
Add in the jar of vinegar peppers, including the juice and peppers themselves. You can leave the peppers out if you’re not a fan, but they make the dish super special.
Bake at 350 degrees. If you’re using boneless chicken, keep it in the oven for about 40 minutes. If your chicken has bones, keep it in for an hour.
After the allotted time, add in your canned mushrooms and mix. Add back into the oven for another 10-20 minutes, until the chicken is fully cooked and the mushrooms are warmed.
Serve hot with a big green salad and some rice or polenta.
I needed these words today. Preggo!