Social media has been making me feel like garbage lately. I know I’m not the only person to feel this (or, frankly, to be writing a newsletter about it) but the feeling has become incredibly acute recently. The whole idea of a personal “brand” has always been something that’s given me the ick. I hate the idea that I have to document or live my life in a certain way in order for it to be visually pleasing so I can monetize said documentation.
The idea that I need to commodify my personal life is something that I’ve struggled with since I started writing about sex and dating in my mid twenties, mostly because I don’t know who I’m going to be when I wake up every morning. Some mornings I feel like the hyper-organized, got-her-shit-together boss bitch who can clean the house, catch up with friends, and keep her relationship in perfect balance without a second thought. Other times, I just want to sit on the couch and order disco fries and eat an edible. Sometimes I feel like I just want to cook my recipes and not give a fuck. Other times, I feel incredibly plugged in to the social grind and am constantly checking to see if people are responding to my work.
So lately, instead of trying to figure out how to do more of this “online,” I’ve been finding myself feeling more and more like I want to unplug. I read a cartoon on The Lily about a creator who was increasingly feeling like she didn’t allow herself to be bored anymore. So she started the year off my deleting all of her social media apps, and she’s been reveling in the creativity that has returned now that she isn’t constantly distracting herself with things like Instagram and TikTok.
Unfortunately, because of my job, I can’t completely unplug from social media. But I can put some guardrails up. I’ve turned on the downtime feature on my iPhone, so that all of my apps (aside from my texts, phone, and Spotify) are inaccessible between the hours of 8 PM and 7 AM. And during that time, I’ve been enjoying not being glued to the screen. I’ve started reading more—books, and the New York Magazine issues that have piled up. I’ve burned through puzzles. I’ve sat on the couch with a Fernet and just listened to a record without distraction.
I haven’t missed the distraction of my phone, as it turns out. And I’ve found myself caring less about how things are performing on social media, because *that* isn’t real life.
But most importantly. I’ve felt a little bit of my creativity come back, especially in the kitchen. Take this orange salad, for example. What I have below is a bare-bones version of the dish that I tend to make for myself when I’m feeling a light lunch. But after our trip to Montreal, and with the extra room in my brain, I’ve already started thinking of ways I could improve upon it in the future. It’s type of creativity I haven’t had access to lately, and I think that has to do with the fact that I’m not distracting myself with a screen. Instead, I can think of marcona almonds and quick-pickled fennel. Weird? Maybe. I find it exciting.
In the meantime, though, this dish is delicious, and absolutely something you should make now, when winter citrus is at its peak.
INGREDIENTS
2-4 oranges of different sizes and varieties (I like navel, mandarin, cara cara, and blood oranges)
Red onion
Capers or olives
Salt and freshly cracked pepper, to taste
Olive oil, to taste
INSTRUCTIONS
Slice the ends off of your oranges so that you can sit them up flat on their sides. Working from top to bottom, cut the rind off of the oranges so you leave the flesh intact, but the white bits are gone. This takes some practice, so go slow.
Once the rind is off, thinly slice the oranges. Arrange them on your plate.
Thinly slice your red onion (as much as you want) into strips and sprinkle them over the oranges. Drain your olive or capers and sprinkle them over the red onion.
Add a few glugs of good olive oil, and add a dash of salt (which you may not need it you’ve got a lot of capers or olives) a few healthy cracks of fresh black pepper. Serve as a side or on its own as a light lunch.